After taking my Big T and Little e to class and workshopping them with the professor and classmates, I've got slightly different but clearer questions. So far...
Big T: How do relationships affect emotional well-being?
Little e: How does the perception of behavioral disparity mediate the relationship between all styles and emotional states?
Now read the post below this, it's more interesting.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Ok, Here Goes...
Last Wednesday (1/20/10): Finished reading 3 articles, wrote 10 questions based on the readings, attended three classes.
Last Thursday (1/21/10): Attended two classes, prepared lecture for Friday's class, researched for thesis (and meeting with my professor the next day).
Friday (1/22/10): Meeting with professor, lectured, organized homework for the weekend.
Saturday (1/23/10): Read two articles.
Sunday (1/24/10): Read two articles.
Monday (1/25/10): Lectured 3 times, attended one class, read 70 pages, spent 2 hours in a (peer led) book club, finished up homework for methods and met with classmates to review the assignment.
Tuesday (1/26/10): Two classes, read two articles.
Wednesday (1/27/10): Three classes, wrote 10 questions based on readings, finished up two articles, worked on stats homework.
Thursday (today): Two classes, got up early to finish up stats homework, prepared lecture for tomorrow's lecture.
-----
Tomorrow: Lecture, lunch with guest professor, colloquium.
This weekend: Sadly, I'll be reading some more articles. But EVERY OTHER SECOND will be spent doing something mindless. If it involves thinking, count me out. I'm ready for a break.
My favorite thing about all this is that looking back in a few years, I'm sure this week will seem like cake. That's why I'm writing it down, seeing the progress rocks.
Last Thursday (1/21/10): Attended two classes, prepared lecture for Friday's class, researched for thesis (and meeting with my professor the next day).
Friday (1/22/10): Meeting with professor, lectured, organized homework for the weekend.
Saturday (1/23/10): Read two articles.
Sunday (1/24/10): Read two articles.
Monday (1/25/10): Lectured 3 times, attended one class, read 70 pages, spent 2 hours in a (peer led) book club, finished up homework for methods and met with classmates to review the assignment.
Tuesday (1/26/10): Two classes, read two articles.
Wednesday (1/27/10): Three classes, wrote 10 questions based on readings, finished up two articles, worked on stats homework.
Thursday (today): Two classes, got up early to finish up stats homework, prepared lecture for tomorrow's lecture.
-----
Tomorrow: Lecture, lunch with guest professor, colloquium.
This weekend: Sadly, I'll be reading some more articles. But EVERY OTHER SECOND will be spent doing something mindless. If it involves thinking, count me out. I'm ready for a break.
My favorite thing about all this is that looking back in a few years, I'm sure this week will seem like cake. That's why I'm writing it down, seeing the progress rocks.
Friday, January 22, 2010
On Thesis Ideas
I met with my major professor today and we talked about what I'll be doing for my master's thesis. I have an assignment in another class that is directly related to my thesis so I wanted to touch base with him and talk about what I could realistically and interestingly study with the data I'll be working with.
In my methods class we've been discussing research designs, research questions, why we study what we study and how we study what we actually want to study. For Tuesday I've got to come up with a "Big T" and a "Little e." The Big T is a theoretical question that will lead my line of research. It's something I can write many empirical papers on and tie them back into each other to build on what I'm studying. My Little e is the empirical question that I want to ask in my next (thesis) paper.
I went in thinking that I wanted to examine how romantic relationships mediate how a person handles mental health but I think now I'm looking at it a bit differently. Instead of looking at romantic relationships as the starting point, I'll be looking into attachment styles and views of relationship quality as they affect emotional states (namely depression). I'll be able to look at how each partner views the relationship and how those similar/dissimilar views influence each partner's emotional stability. The population that I'll be examining will be around age 21 and I'll have data from when they were around age 19 as well, so I'll probably end up doing some comparison across time. Of course, it'll all probably change some before I'm done.
I've got a lot to read this weekend and a lot of thinking to do about my "Big T" and "Little e" but I'm ready. I'm excited that I've identified what I want to look at... now to figure out how to look at it.
In my methods class we've been discussing research designs, research questions, why we study what we study and how we study what we actually want to study. For Tuesday I've got to come up with a "Big T" and a "Little e." The Big T is a theoretical question that will lead my line of research. It's something I can write many empirical papers on and tie them back into each other to build on what I'm studying. My Little e is the empirical question that I want to ask in my next (thesis) paper.
I went in thinking that I wanted to examine how romantic relationships mediate how a person handles mental health but I think now I'm looking at it a bit differently. Instead of looking at romantic relationships as the starting point, I'll be looking into attachment styles and views of relationship quality as they affect emotional states (namely depression). I'll be able to look at how each partner views the relationship and how those similar/dissimilar views influence each partner's emotional stability. The population that I'll be examining will be around age 21 and I'll have data from when they were around age 19 as well, so I'll probably end up doing some comparison across time. Of course, it'll all probably change some before I'm done.
I've got a lot to read this weekend and a lot of thinking to do about my "Big T" and "Little e" but I'm ready. I'm excited that I've identified what I want to look at... now to figure out how to look at it.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
On Homework
What's the hardest part of grad school, you ask? For me, it's sitting myself down and doing the readings.
Once I get into the reading and have committed to reading, it tends to be pretty easy. Sometimes I struggle with the material (like when reading Marx or Gramsci) but for the most part, it's not too bad, the reading load. What is bad is convincing myself that I should be reading NOW and that reading will, in fact, be enjoyable. So often I spend hours and days avoiding my homework, watching that latest television show, checking my email once more and I've wasted all of the time I could have spent reading doing nothing and now the time that I could be spending lounging or hanging out with friends must be spent reading.
It's all about time management.
You could say that time management's the hardest thing about grad school.
The only person I'm really fighting here is myself.
I think in general I might be getting a bit better at reading ahead of time but I know that I'm still earning a C- at most when it comes to time management, overall. I'm getting better at wanting to do the readings ahead of time but I still end up doing most of it the night or morning before class.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle, right? Gah, I don't know. Hopefully it gets easier, this making yourself read anytime, anywhere stuff.
Once I get into the reading and have committed to reading, it tends to be pretty easy. Sometimes I struggle with the material (like when reading Marx or Gramsci) but for the most part, it's not too bad, the reading load. What is bad is convincing myself that I should be reading NOW and that reading will, in fact, be enjoyable. So often I spend hours and days avoiding my homework, watching that latest television show, checking my email once more and I've wasted all of the time I could have spent reading doing nothing and now the time that I could be spending lounging or hanging out with friends must be spent reading.
It's all about time management.
You could say that time management's the hardest thing about grad school.
The only person I'm really fighting here is myself.
I think in general I might be getting a bit better at reading ahead of time but I know that I'm still earning a C- at most when it comes to time management, overall. I'm getting better at wanting to do the readings ahead of time but I still end up doing most of it the night or morning before class.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle, right? Gah, I don't know. Hopefully it gets easier, this making yourself read anytime, anywhere stuff.
Monday, January 11, 2010
On Leading Discussions
This semester I'm TAing for Intro to Sociology and I'll be leading four discussion sections for the class. The way that intro classes are handled in the Sociology department is fun. Two out of the three days that class is normally held there is a lecture by a professor and for the other class period a graduate student facilitates discussion. The class I'm TAing for has 300 students and so the three grad students (myself included) have 12 discussion sections total. We'll each have four. I have one discussion section on Friday mornings and the other three on Mondays.
Friday's went okay. I was a bit nervous and a bit unsure of the material I was covering... not that I didn't know what I was talking about, but there was so much of it that I could have covered... I wasn't sure of the topics that I did choose. After we went over the syllabus we did some ice breakers and I lectured a bit and let them go. I trailed off (at least) once, getting lost in my own voice. I apologized and told the students that sometimes I sometimes get distracted knowing that they're all listening to me go on and on and on and I lose my thoughts. The class is smaller than 2 of my others, but I think this next session will have more students... I think. It's the class that's still developing, I had a hard time getting a good feel for how the discussions will go. The Friday class was the only class that I didn't have any discussion in, which accounts for why it doesn't have a "feel" yet.
Today I had three sessions and as the day progressed I got increasingly nervous about the fact that the afternoon sessions were probably going to be REALLY FULL. I distracted myself but still felt like the new kid in school, the one who wants to impress everyone with their hip skills.
This morning I only had 6 students and we did discuss some sociological material, so that was nice. I got to know them a bit more than Friday's class and I think it'll be nice to have a smaller class in the morning.
This afternoon I had two full classes (about 25 students) back to back and it was a lot easier to fill the class period with the larger class. Duh. I did a bit more ice breaking, trying to build community and make students feel comfortable talking in front of each other. I even got them to laugh! At me... but, that's beside the point.
I didn't feel like a rockstar or super genius but I think I impressed myself. I expected a bit more floundering with the larger classes and really, it was a bit easier to relax and let them guide the discussion. While I was covering social institutions and social identity I noticed some confused looks... I hope they were trying to ingest the material or plan their evenings... not questioning what I was saying. Looks like that cut right through my "plan" for the conversation.
Overall, I think I'm going to like my classes. I'm glad that the larger classes are going to be the ones that I've had the most time to prepare for and practice my lectures and I like the intimacy of the smaller, earlier classes. The jury's still out on whether 3 classes on Monday will be awesome or awful, but I think it'll be a bit more awesome.
Here's to hoping for (and having) a great semester! (Knock on wood)
Friday's went okay. I was a bit nervous and a bit unsure of the material I was covering... not that I didn't know what I was talking about, but there was so much of it that I could have covered... I wasn't sure of the topics that I did choose. After we went over the syllabus we did some ice breakers and I lectured a bit and let them go. I trailed off (at least) once, getting lost in my own voice. I apologized and told the students that sometimes I sometimes get distracted knowing that they're all listening to me go on and on and on and I lose my thoughts. The class is smaller than 2 of my others, but I think this next session will have more students... I think. It's the class that's still developing, I had a hard time getting a good feel for how the discussions will go. The Friday class was the only class that I didn't have any discussion in, which accounts for why it doesn't have a "feel" yet.
Today I had three sessions and as the day progressed I got increasingly nervous about the fact that the afternoon sessions were probably going to be REALLY FULL. I distracted myself but still felt like the new kid in school, the one who wants to impress everyone with their hip skills.
This morning I only had 6 students and we did discuss some sociological material, so that was nice. I got to know them a bit more than Friday's class and I think it'll be nice to have a smaller class in the morning.
This afternoon I had two full classes (about 25 students) back to back and it was a lot easier to fill the class period with the larger class. Duh. I did a bit more ice breaking, trying to build community and make students feel comfortable talking in front of each other. I even got them to laugh! At me... but, that's beside the point.
I didn't feel like a rockstar or super genius but I think I impressed myself. I expected a bit more floundering with the larger classes and really, it was a bit easier to relax and let them guide the discussion. While I was covering social institutions and social identity I noticed some confused looks... I hope they were trying to ingest the material or plan their evenings... not questioning what I was saying. Looks like that cut right through my "plan" for the conversation.
Overall, I think I'm going to like my classes. I'm glad that the larger classes are going to be the ones that I've had the most time to prepare for and practice my lectures and I like the intimacy of the smaller, earlier classes. The jury's still out on whether 3 classes on Monday will be awesome or awful, but I think it'll be a bit more awesome.
Here's to hoping for (and having) a great semester! (Knock on wood)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Recap
Me to Rachel (11/20/09):
I'm SO SICK of the deep south today. And not because it sucks and I hate it or whatever, but just because I wish I was around NE people that KNOW me and LIKE me without me having to try. And people that have the same interests as me and the same histories and don't think anything I do or know is weird. I miss the ease of NE people.
School's going good. I'm learning SO MUCH and thinking SO MUCH... I don't think I've ever been challenged like this before. UNK was SO EASY and I think the Sociology department there dropped the ball in some of my classes. There are things I think I should have known that I'd never even heard of and... argh. Little things like that annoy me and make me a bit self-conscious. All the other kids in my cohort know A LOT about sociology (3/5 have their master's already) and I hope that I'm everything they expected when they accepted me.
----
Me to Rachel (12/1/09):
Current master's students are working towards their PhD. Our program is designed so that you get your master's on your way to your PhD but if you have your master's already you can transfer in to finish the rest, you'll just be a year behind. So for me school'll take 6 years and for the kids with their master's in my class, it'll take 5 years.
Chase and I are good. I was really impressed with how he handled the week with my family when we moved down here and he's been nothing but supportive of me the entire time we've been here. He got a job at the beginning of November at a call center and doesn't like it, but at least it pays. I don't know if he plans on staying there for awhile but knowing Chase, he'll stay out of laziness. He's gonna start taking classes next fall at the community college and work towards getting a computer degree of some sort.
I find it hard to live somewhere without knowing/doing a lot of the things available to me so we've been out and about a bit. We've made a few day trips to Atlanta, spent a weekend caving in Kentucky, went to the ocean, have gone kayaking and have explored the shops/parks around Athens as well. I spent last week up in North Carolina at my uncle's so I'm getting acquainted with the life and scenes of the south. I can't wait to get down to Florida and over to New Orleans but that'll probably have to wait until May when I don't have the ever looming worry about homework and what I still need to be working on. Meh, such is life.
Grad life is... stressful. For me anyway. I've always got reading I should do and I'm expected to know the material we're covering and have thought provoking thoughts related to it when mostly I've been expected to come to class to learn instead of engage in masterful discussion before. I had discussion classes at UNK but they were easy to BS and I rarely struggled to understand the material at that level. I think that my knowledge of stats and the relevant literature plays into it as well. In a few more years I'm sure I'll look back at this time and smile but at the moment it seems like I'll never "master" this.
Here each cohort has 4-6 students in it. There are 6 years of cohorts and the first 4 do have 4-6 each. I think the 5th year cohort has 2 (because the other students decided to leave for some (unknown to me) reason) and the 6th year cohort has 3 or 4. I was assigned a mentor but I don't really get along well with her. We're friendly and she's nice, but I'm not the same kind of person she is... she's more of a "Southern Belle" and is more refined than I am. The other students in my cohort are friendly and the office is nice but I don't really have any close friends in my cohort. It seems like they're more interested in drinking and socializing that way and I'm not really that big of a drinker and prefer more intimate socialization. There is one girl from the year ahead of me that I have recently started hanging out with more and talking to more. I think she's probably my closest "friend" and yet, we're not close. But at least it feels like she "gets" me... that's a big thing for me. Damn, this sounds depressing. I think if Chase wasn't here I'd have put myself out there more and would be closer to some of the other students but... that's really not who I am. I'm more comfortable with how things are now and feel that, with a million friends or not, this is how I am/should be. Though it would be easier if there were more people I felt "close" to.
If I really thought my undergrad work was AWESOME I could try to get it published/present somewhere but I think I've used it for all that it's worth. I've gotten out of it what I wanted to (getting into school) and now I'm ready to work on something more interesting to me. Finding out what that is... that's a bit harder. I feel so overwhelmed with knowledge right now that it's hard for me to sort things out and feel like I've got a good grasp on anything. I feel like every time I learn something it goes on a little index card, and rather than have a catalog to organize that card on, I'm just throwing it on the ground and cards keep covering others up and it's hard for me to find anything unless I know exactly what I'm looking for. I want a catalog. I think that'll help.
I struggle with the question of whether I really have never been at this level scholastically or whether it atrophied when I worked at RYH but... I don't know. I hope it's more of the first.
I'm SO SICK of the deep south today. And not because it sucks and I hate it or whatever, but just because I wish I was around NE people that KNOW me and LIKE me without me having to try. And people that have the same interests as me and the same histories and don't think anything I do or know is weird. I miss the ease of NE people.
School's going good. I'm learning SO MUCH and thinking SO MUCH... I don't think I've ever been challenged like this before. UNK was SO EASY and I think the Sociology department there dropped the ball in some of my classes. There are things I think I should have known that I'd never even heard of and... argh. Little things like that annoy me and make me a bit self-conscious. All the other kids in my cohort know A LOT about sociology (3/5 have their master's already) and I hope that I'm everything they expected when they accepted me.
----
Me to Rachel (12/1/09):
Current master's students are working towards their PhD. Our program is designed so that you get your master's on your way to your PhD but if you have your master's already you can transfer in to finish the rest, you'll just be a year behind. So for me school'll take 6 years and for the kids with their master's in my class, it'll take 5 years.
Chase and I are good. I was really impressed with how he handled the week with my family when we moved down here and he's been nothing but supportive of me the entire time we've been here. He got a job at the beginning of November at a call center and doesn't like it, but at least it pays. I don't know if he plans on staying there for awhile but knowing Chase, he'll stay out of laziness. He's gonna start taking classes next fall at the community college and work towards getting a computer degree of some sort.
I find it hard to live somewhere without knowing/doing a lot of the things available to me so we've been out and about a bit. We've made a few day trips to Atlanta, spent a weekend caving in Kentucky, went to the ocean, have gone kayaking and have explored the shops/parks around Athens as well. I spent last week up in North Carolina at my uncle's so I'm getting acquainted with the life and scenes of the south. I can't wait to get down to Florida and over to New Orleans but that'll probably have to wait until May when I don't have the ever looming worry about homework and what I still need to be working on. Meh, such is life.
Grad life is... stressful. For me anyway. I've always got reading I should do and I'm expected to know the material we're covering and have thought provoking thoughts related to it when mostly I've been expected to come to class to learn instead of engage in masterful discussion before. I had discussion classes at UNK but they were easy to BS and I rarely struggled to understand the material at that level. I think that my knowledge of stats and the relevant literature plays into it as well. In a few more years I'm sure I'll look back at this time and smile but at the moment it seems like I'll never "master" this.
Here each cohort has 4-6 students in it. There are 6 years of cohorts and the first 4 do have 4-6 each. I think the 5th year cohort has 2 (because the other students decided to leave for some (unknown to me) reason) and the 6th year cohort has 3 or 4. I was assigned a mentor but I don't really get along well with her. We're friendly and she's nice, but I'm not the same kind of person she is... she's more of a "Southern Belle" and is more refined than I am. The other students in my cohort are friendly and the office is nice but I don't really have any close friends in my cohort. It seems like they're more interested in drinking and socializing that way and I'm not really that big of a drinker and prefer more intimate socialization. There is one girl from the year ahead of me that I have recently started hanging out with more and talking to more. I think she's probably my closest "friend" and yet, we're not close. But at least it feels like she "gets" me... that's a big thing for me. Damn, this sounds depressing. I think if Chase wasn't here I'd have put myself out there more and would be closer to some of the other students but... that's really not who I am. I'm more comfortable with how things are now and feel that, with a million friends or not, this is how I am/should be. Though it would be easier if there were more people I felt "close" to.
If I really thought my undergrad work was AWESOME I could try to get it published/present somewhere but I think I've used it for all that it's worth. I've gotten out of it what I wanted to (getting into school) and now I'm ready to work on something more interesting to me. Finding out what that is... that's a bit harder. I feel so overwhelmed with knowledge right now that it's hard for me to sort things out and feel like I've got a good grasp on anything. I feel like every time I learn something it goes on a little index card, and rather than have a catalog to organize that card on, I'm just throwing it on the ground and cards keep covering others up and it's hard for me to find anything unless I know exactly what I'm looking for. I want a catalog. I think that'll help.
I struggle with the question of whether I really have never been at this level scholastically or whether it atrophied when I worked at RYH but... I don't know. I hope it's more of the first.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
New Year Musings
I didn't blog after I moved, like I'd intended to. Let's not let that bring us down.
I wanna start writing some of my feelings down. Some of the things I want to talk about are how grad school's going, how my social life is, how my recent visit to Nebraska was, how life with Chase is. But before I get there I want to recap with some of what I felt this last semester. I'm going to go through emails I've had with friends and cut some of that to put on here. The first semester (and now, in a different but similar way) was really hard for my ego. I felt like I was starting all over and had no credibility to stand behind. I felt like an imposter. Now I feel like I've got some basic knowledge but still lack enough skills to be able to be useful to anyone. All in time, all in time.
Since it's a new year, I've got new resolutions. (Woohoo!)
1.) Take more pictures.
2.) Take a picture of myself everyday for 365 days.
3.) Finally get under 200 pounds (5.6 away!)
4.) Be able to run 30 minutes at a time.
Next post: last semester recap
Happy New Year Y'all!
I wanna start writing some of my feelings down. Some of the things I want to talk about are how grad school's going, how my social life is, how my recent visit to Nebraska was, how life with Chase is. But before I get there I want to recap with some of what I felt this last semester. I'm going to go through emails I've had with friends and cut some of that to put on here. The first semester (and now, in a different but similar way) was really hard for my ego. I felt like I was starting all over and had no credibility to stand behind. I felt like an imposter. Now I feel like I've got some basic knowledge but still lack enough skills to be able to be useful to anyone. All in time, all in time.
Since it's a new year, I've got new resolutions. (Woohoo!)
1.) Take more pictures.
2.) Take a picture of myself everyday for 365 days.
3.) Finally get under 200 pounds (5.6 away!)
4.) Be able to run 30 minutes at a time.
Next post: last semester recap
Happy New Year Y'all!
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