Things have been going well lately. I'm feeling a lot more at ease this semester and I feel a lot more like I "fit" here in grad school. It seems like it's just a matter of time before I accumulate ALL OF THIS KNOWLEDGE and am SMART and KNOW THINGS and feel invincible.
In the meantime, set backs remind me how far from INVINCIBLE I really am. I got my lowest grade in grad school today. After I'd had a pretty good week. After I've been steadily doing more and more work. Feeling more and more capable of the workload given. Feeling like I "get" more of what I read and the materials we cover.
This grade isn't going to ruin my life or my chance for an A out of the class; it's just disheartening.
I picked my grade up after going to a really inspiring talk about how our genes interact with our environment (by Jay Belsky) and I had/have so many ideas about how I want to try to incorporate gene studies into my thesis and whether or not that's even doable and and and and.
Bad grade.
It's not like I can even go talk to the professor to figure out what went wrong. She told me what went wrong. I know what I have to change. I know my weakness and the only thing I can do now is learn from it.
And try not to let it bring me down. Try to ignore the voice in my head reminding me of how far I still have to go. It's hard... being confident in grad school. On the one hand, you were smart enough to get into grad school. On the other hand, you now know relatively nothing.
Ah, whatev. Back to work.
