I'm going to try to blog more. I never really feel like I have much to say but I feel like I'm transforming into a professional adult and though I know it's not happening overnight, it's hard to see where and how I'm changing if I don't document any of it.
I take lots of photos. Definitely more these days. More of Linny, more of friends, more of Chase and I. More now that I'm feeling more comfortable in Georgia. But still not as many as I used to take in Nebraska. And I have more people that I routinely see and talk to. People who inquire about my day, who talk to me without having a reason to talk to me, more friends. And yet I'm farther away from people who I've never been away from. I don't have my family around, I don't have Sundays to catch up on gossip, the bar to run into old classmates or work friends, I rarely talk to some of my oldest friends.
(Though I've had two dreams that my (deceased) Grandpa made guest appearances in... those were nice.)
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm changing, and I want you to see it. So, stick around.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
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Thursday, June 3, 2010
Puppy Woes
The scene: Me, driving home from the shoe store after finding two pairs of shoes that I really liked (something RARE here in Georgia) and that were pretty cheap as well as finding a drawstring Nike bag for $12. Singing along to music in the car. Calling Jorge and leaving an amusing (in my opinion) voicemail. Thinking about how my life here in Georgia is now Mine and I Live Here and this is Home. Thinking about how when I get home I'm going to blog about the nice, pleasant changes that have occurred over the last months. Thinking about my new puppy sleeping on the floor next to Chase napping on the couch. Smiling.
Then: I walked in the door, turned on the light and looked to the spot I left the puppy (Linux or Linny from here on out) only to see more floor. I woke up Chase and asked where Linny was and after telling me she was under the coffee table I picked her up to put her on my lap to find that her underbelly was wet. Suspiciously wet. Annoyed that my good mood had been temporarily derailed I went hunting for the mess, and found it, and rubbed Linny's nose in it.
Then some more: And googled potty training tips for puppies and read (multiple times) that I'm not supposed to rub her nose in it. I'm not supposed to express frustration with her. I'm supposed to put her in a safe place, clean it up and move on.
The problem with this: I'm no good at this new mom thing. I scold her for whining when she's tired, I put a leash on her when she's too young for a leash (according to Cesar (whom I love)), and I punish her for peeing inside (sometimes... sometimes I don't get upset).
Stupid Resolution: I guess I should be upset with Chase or myself. Instead of assuming she'd stay asleep, I should have crated her or had Chase wake up to watch her. I should have been more attentive.
BLAH: I wanted to post about happy things but I turn around (almost daily it seems) and there's something else I've messed up for Linux. I know there's always tomorrow but I can't help but think about the habits that are being formed now. The relationship we're building. My good mood hasn't been totally derailed but the direction's changed and the post I wanted to write will have to wait.
---
In other news: I ended up emailing the summer camp and letting them know that I'd taken the other job and got a really pleasant reply from the girl I'd been talking with. I think it helps that I arbitrarily set the date for when I'd get back to her about the job and then only two days later changed my mind.
-J
Then: I walked in the door, turned on the light and looked to the spot I left the puppy (Linux or Linny from here on out) only to see more floor. I woke up Chase and asked where Linny was and after telling me she was under the coffee table I picked her up to put her on my lap to find that her underbelly was wet. Suspiciously wet. Annoyed that my good mood had been temporarily derailed I went hunting for the mess, and found it, and rubbed Linny's nose in it.
Then some more: And googled potty training tips for puppies and read (multiple times) that I'm not supposed to rub her nose in it. I'm not supposed to express frustration with her. I'm supposed to put her in a safe place, clean it up and move on.
The problem with this: I'm no good at this new mom thing. I scold her for whining when she's tired, I put a leash on her when she's too young for a leash (according to Cesar (whom I love)), and I punish her for peeing inside (sometimes... sometimes I don't get upset).
Stupid Resolution: I guess I should be upset with Chase or myself. Instead of assuming she'd stay asleep, I should have crated her or had Chase wake up to watch her. I should have been more attentive.
BLAH: I wanted to post about happy things but I turn around (almost daily it seems) and there's something else I've messed up for Linux. I know there's always tomorrow but I can't help but think about the habits that are being formed now. The relationship we're building. My good mood hasn't been totally derailed but the direction's changed and the post I wanted to write will have to wait.
---
In other news: I ended up emailing the summer camp and letting them know that I'd taken the other job and got a really pleasant reply from the girl I'd been talking with. I think it helps that I arbitrarily set the date for when I'd get back to her about the job and then only two days later changed my mind.
-J
Monday, May 10, 2010
End of Semester
Well, classes are over for a bit. I finished well. I think I would have liked to have turned in a better final proposal for methods but by the time I could muster up the motivation to start it, I didn't leave much time for much extra research or extra synthesizing. Eh. I got a B/B+ on it.
My final grades for the semester were:
Methods: B+
Quantitative Methods II: A-
Soc of the Family: A-
Which makes me cumulative GPA 3.56... not too shabby, if I do say so myself.
I've given myself this week to do nothing and not feel bad about it. I've already read a book too! (Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen... meh.) I want to get pretty far into 1984 today and finish it up tomorrow and then I think I'll read one more this week before I get back into school books (in preparation for my thesis).
Other than nothing, I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do about a job for this summer. I was offered a summer camp job, and took it, after MUCH deliberation. And then this morning I got another call from some place I'd applied to about an interview tomorrow. I'm going to call her back in a few minutes and ask about the days they'd want me. I'm nervous mostly because I'm not good at playing it off like I don't already have a job... I'm not a good liar.
Blah. I hate this predicament. I took the job because it seems like it will be FUN (summer camp... north Georgia...) but the pay's shitty. I almost want to accept a better paying job but I feel like that'd be against my morals. Dammit.
In other news, I have a few tentative plans for the summer but haven't nailed anything down. We'll see what happens. Hopefully we'll be in touch.
My final grades for the semester were:
Methods: B+
Quantitative Methods II: A-
Soc of the Family: A-
Which makes me cumulative GPA 3.56... not too shabby, if I do say so myself.
I've given myself this week to do nothing and not feel bad about it. I've already read a book too! (Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen... meh.) I want to get pretty far into 1984 today and finish it up tomorrow and then I think I'll read one more this week before I get back into school books (in preparation for my thesis).
Other than nothing, I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do about a job for this summer. I was offered a summer camp job, and took it, after MUCH deliberation. And then this morning I got another call from some place I'd applied to about an interview tomorrow. I'm going to call her back in a few minutes and ask about the days they'd want me. I'm nervous mostly because I'm not good at playing it off like I don't already have a job... I'm not a good liar.
Blah. I hate this predicament. I took the job because it seems like it will be FUN (summer camp... north Georgia...) but the pay's shitty. I almost want to accept a better paying job but I feel like that'd be against my morals. Dammit.
In other news, I have a few tentative plans for the summer but haven't nailed anything down. We'll see what happens. Hopefully we'll be in touch.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Georgia: An Update
It turns out that Spring in Georgia makes up for the lack of snow, the drizzling rain and some of the blah that is the tall, skinny pines. There are flowers everywhere. It seems like every bush is blooming. It's either been this week or last week or will probably be this coming week... April here is beautiful. It's like being in a garden 24/7, no matter where I am in town.
Dude. I've been BUSY. I feel like I'm doing well in school. I'm definitely learning a lot this semester. I'm taking a methods course and have ENJOYED IT SO MUCH. I feel like I know what I'm looking for in articles and I'm getting so that I can really critique articles based on what's in them, not what they make me feel. I feel like I can have a real conversation about what I'm reading and not only convey my ideas to others but be on the same page as them... the right page. So that's awesome.
In methods we've been working on developing our thesis/project ideas as well and it's starting to feel like my Master's thesis is actually going to be DOABLE and enjoyable. Months ago I would have laughed at this optimistic version of myself... now though, I believe it.
I'm really excited about the summer. About being able to read the stuff I want to without being responsible for any other reading. So far I've got about 8 books I want to read. And I want to start out the summer by going to the ocean, though I might be too poor for that. If I can't do that right away, I'd love to spend my birthday there. Mmmm.
I haven't written here in awhile, I'm sorry. I've had visitors (7 people in 3 weeks), my Grandpa passed away and I had to fly home for the funeral, and I'm starting to grow my own group of friends here. I don't feel like I'm missing out on life as much... I'm building a new life. I'm growing closer to a student a year ahead of me and it really reminds me of a friendship I had the fall I worked at the Buckle. That friendship rocked in so many ways but made me wary of the future in so many others... I find the similarities between the two situations to be a good reminder of the type of friendship I want to cultivate; the kind of friend I want to be.
I've got two papers left before the end of the semester and I really need to sit down and right them. At this time last semester I was feeling lost and overwhelmed and had no idea where I needed to take my major class paper but this semester is really different. I'm growing. There are scads of places I need to improve upon to be at the place I want to be right now but compared to 4 months ago? I rock.
(P.S. It's rarely WINDY here, the sun is blinding, I'm playing tennis more but working out less, driving is annoying, and right now I have no desire to travel unless it's to the beach. I'm ready for a break, I need to build up my travel bug. And I need a gym that feels like home.)
Dude. I've been BUSY. I feel like I'm doing well in school. I'm definitely learning a lot this semester. I'm taking a methods course and have ENJOYED IT SO MUCH. I feel like I know what I'm looking for in articles and I'm getting so that I can really critique articles based on what's in them, not what they make me feel. I feel like I can have a real conversation about what I'm reading and not only convey my ideas to others but be on the same page as them... the right page. So that's awesome.
In methods we've been working on developing our thesis/project ideas as well and it's starting to feel like my Master's thesis is actually going to be DOABLE and enjoyable. Months ago I would have laughed at this optimistic version of myself... now though, I believe it.
I'm really excited about the summer. About being able to read the stuff I want to without being responsible for any other reading. So far I've got about 8 books I want to read. And I want to start out the summer by going to the ocean, though I might be too poor for that. If I can't do that right away, I'd love to spend my birthday there. Mmmm.
I haven't written here in awhile, I'm sorry. I've had visitors (7 people in 3 weeks), my Grandpa passed away and I had to fly home for the funeral, and I'm starting to grow my own group of friends here. I don't feel like I'm missing out on life as much... I'm building a new life. I'm growing closer to a student a year ahead of me and it really reminds me of a friendship I had the fall I worked at the Buckle. That friendship rocked in so many ways but made me wary of the future in so many others... I find the similarities between the two situations to be a good reminder of the type of friendship I want to cultivate; the kind of friend I want to be.
I've got two papers left before the end of the semester and I really need to sit down and right them. At this time last semester I was feeling lost and overwhelmed and had no idea where I needed to take my major class paper but this semester is really different. I'm growing. There are scads of places I need to improve upon to be at the place I want to be right now but compared to 4 months ago? I rock.
(P.S. It's rarely WINDY here, the sun is blinding, I'm playing tennis more but working out less, driving is annoying, and right now I have no desire to travel unless it's to the beach. I'm ready for a break, I need to build up my travel bug. And I need a gym that feels like home.)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Accumulation of Knowledge
Things have been going well lately. I'm feeling a lot more at ease this semester and I feel a lot more like I "fit" here in grad school. It seems like it's just a matter of time before I accumulate ALL OF THIS KNOWLEDGE and am SMART and KNOW THINGS and feel invincible.
In the meantime, set backs remind me how far from INVINCIBLE I really am. I got my lowest grade in grad school today. After I'd had a pretty good week. After I've been steadily doing more and more work. Feeling more and more capable of the workload given. Feeling like I "get" more of what I read and the materials we cover.
This grade isn't going to ruin my life or my chance for an A out of the class; it's just disheartening.
I picked my grade up after going to a really inspiring talk about how our genes interact with our environment (by Jay Belsky) and I had/have so many ideas about how I want to try to incorporate gene studies into my thesis and whether or not that's even doable and and and and.
Bad grade.
It's not like I can even go talk to the professor to figure out what went wrong. She told me what went wrong. I know what I have to change. I know my weakness and the only thing I can do now is learn from it.
And try not to let it bring me down. Try to ignore the voice in my head reminding me of how far I still have to go. It's hard... being confident in grad school. On the one hand, you were smart enough to get into grad school. On the other hand, you now know relatively nothing.
Ah, whatev. Back to work.
In the meantime, set backs remind me how far from INVINCIBLE I really am. I got my lowest grade in grad school today. After I'd had a pretty good week. After I've been steadily doing more and more work. Feeling more and more capable of the workload given. Feeling like I "get" more of what I read and the materials we cover.
This grade isn't going to ruin my life or my chance for an A out of the class; it's just disheartening.
I picked my grade up after going to a really inspiring talk about how our genes interact with our environment (by Jay Belsky) and I had/have so many ideas about how I want to try to incorporate gene studies into my thesis and whether or not that's even doable and and and and.
Bad grade.
It's not like I can even go talk to the professor to figure out what went wrong. She told me what went wrong. I know what I have to change. I know my weakness and the only thing I can do now is learn from it.
And try not to let it bring me down. Try to ignore the voice in my head reminding me of how far I still have to go. It's hard... being confident in grad school. On the one hand, you were smart enough to get into grad school. On the other hand, you now know relatively nothing.
Ah, whatev. Back to work.
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